bloody towel

At the end of class today, master Ruby showed us a bloody towel she saved from Andres' fight. It was waved in front of us as a symbol of what should NOT happen. She said it should be a reminder that this should not be our blood but rather that of your opponents ...next time.

I dunno-- or somethin' to that effect.

I can;t help it- I really get a kick out of all this training for violent stuff. It's serious in a way, obviously. However, I also wonder just how far I will go with it. I've always thought I was a winner in martial arts and other sports that i've played in. I have not done alot but I've been doing them on and off throughout my youth and I am aggressive and I have always had a mind set that I would NEVER lose. I don;t know where I got this from. I don't think that you would have any idea that I have such an aggressive streak from just looking at me. I am not butch or sporty looking. It deosn't even really seem to be part of personality and only comes out in martial arts, snowboarding and broom ball. However, I have never really been put to the test until possibly now and I am actually wavering on my self confidence. It's quite a balancing act. I mean you take on this idea that you are going to win and you are always ready and you convince yourself you simply won't lose and at the same time you are aware of the fact that you also have respect for your opponent and do not want to severely hurt them.

I think that once I actually get into my first competition, this balance is something that will work itself out and I will become natural like learning music rhythms that I will just learn like the back of my hand.

I dunno...crossing fingers.

'night!